Attract Women like a Rock Star (Made Easy)

Comely Young Maiden
Look, a friendly young maiden!

There is a perception that Rock Stars, who are primarily male, have a plethora of women. This is fundamentally true.

Now to help out the way more than 50% geek male readers (I know there are also quite a few ladies here, as well as non-geeks):

Why do women love rock stars and how can you use this to your advantage?

We could reword this as what qualities do Rock Stars possess that humans find sexually attractive?

It’s not what you think. It’s not just the fame and it certainly isn’t the money. Yes, some women, and I mean ONLY some, find fame and fortune attractive.

Impressive does not equal Attractive

It is certainly impressive, but impressive does not equal attractive. Most women are not turned on by men merely because of money (of course there are some gold diggers out there, but they are exceptions).

Here are the traits that women find attractive in men that most Rock Stars possess and you can too.


Confidence is simply attractive to most women. Rock Stars tend to be very confident, and wouldn’t you be too if you were a Rock Star? Well, it turns out that confidence is attractive regardless of who you are. And as a side note, I find confidence attractive in women too.

Confidence should be easy for us. After all, most of us are pretty damn good (and getting better) at what we do.


Passion is attractive. It doesn’t matter what you are passionate about: having passions in life simply makes you hot. So maybe we aren’t all passionate about our music, but geeks in general are have passions in life, whether it’s music or hiking or biking or green chili peppers or some bizarre strain of Linux or bridge. Why Bill Gates, about the geekiest dude around, has a passion for bridge.

Passion is sexy. It doesn’t have to be a shared passion. You just need things in your life you are passionate about and it should be obvious!

Appearance (no, not raw physical attraction)

OK, when it comes to women, the first and sometimes only thing men notice is how hot (or not) they are. It’s #1, but to women it is NOT remotely at the top of the list. Why do you think there are so many very attractive women with ugly guys (no, most of them are not rich).

Raw physical attractiveness is not very important at all, but how you present yourself, your appearance, matters a lot. The clothes you wear (including shoes) matters enormously. I can hear you all groaning – might as well refuse to acknowledge gravity! Just accept it. It’s reality.

Grooming also is critically important. You do not need to pimp and preen in front of the mirror (like many Rock Stars do!) but be neat and kempt looking.

So, if you are dressed decently and look fairly together, it sends a subconscious signal that you are “Worth It.”

You are taking care of yourself because you are worth it. To put things in typical male and perhaps inappropriate language, wearing actual real shoes, pants that fit, ditching your t shirts and getting a haircut can make you go from a “4” to an “8”.

It’s that simple.


Perhaps you do not have a Rock Star jet set lifestyle, but most of us live pretty well. Women find men that have a life to invite them into to be very attractive.

Maybe, unlike me, you do not travel the world and sometimes bring friends along, regularly amaze people with your cooking skills, geek out on making incredible drinks and are even comfortable with wine lists.

Maybe, like my friend Bald John, you work a 9-5 hourly job, come home every night, have dinner and maybe a beer or two and watch TV before going to bed and in your mind, perhaps subconsciously, think you are some Mediocre Fred. “Why would any woman ever find that attractive?” you think. Well, news to you dude: you’ve got a comfortable cozy life. It’s attractive. You could make it even more attractive by stepping a little out of your comfort zone and trying new things perhaps, but that is not necessary.

Direction/A Plan

“A man with a plan is sexy.” I stole that line, but it’s true. A plan, a direction in life, growing instead of stagnating.

Maybe your plan isn’t a 45 city world tour or world domination (bad idea probably, but exciting), but if you are on this site chances are you are going somewhere. You are growing as a person. You have evolving plans. That’s exciting, to everyone, including women.

Oh, and one last thing

Even if you are cooler and handsomer than James Bond, women will not magically appear at your side. You need to get out in the real world and initiate social interactions. But that is easy, because you are confident. You have passions making you an exciting person. You are dressing significantly less like a dweeb than before, bathing regularly, and you are not a slob (OK, in my case, less of a slob!). You no doubt have got a better life than 95% of the planet. And you’re going places; you have plans.

Simply put, you’re hot, even if you are a fat middle aged guy like me, and women will respond. Just remember to always be nice.

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    • Arnold
    • April 30, 2014

    Only you, Ted, can probably mix Alcohol and Women and Infosec and make it all make sense 🙂

    You mentioned “Bald John” in your CISSP class last summer in an example BTW – I was there and remember! Passed the exam thanks to your help.

      • Ted Demopoulos
      • April 30, 2014

      Hey Arnold,
      Not only do I remember you, but I remember what you drank (soda water with a twist – you were on a diet!)


    • Pete Smithing
    • September 19, 2014

    I also passed my Exam thanks to you Ted – and it’s made me far more attractive to women (not!).

    Actually happily married, AND my wife gives this post two thumbs up. My girlfriend however doesn’t like it much (that’s a joke – NO girlfriend!)

      • Ted Demopoulos
      • September 19, 2014

      Hey Pete,

      Women do tend to agree with this post – at least I’ve gotten lots of positive female feedback

    • Brewer
    • November 19, 2014

    Really good post. Found your site through google, looking up something unrelated.
    I’m very distractable by great content!

    • Isabella Taintt
    • May 31, 2016


    You have really unlocked The hearts of many of the women in the USA~! I can’t stand a man that doesn’t know the difference between XML and XSS! hehe! This is prob. my 2nd favorite blog besides .


    Isabella Taintt

      • Ted Demopoulos
      • June 1, 2016

      Thanks for your colorful words Isebella!

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